Living Together.
Prior to the 1970s it was rare for an unmarried man and woman to live together. Today it is much more common, accepted as an important “next step” for couples before committing to marriage. We often assume living together can help us avoid making a mistake that could lead to a painful divorce. But is that assumption correct? How should a follower of Jesus Christ view the living together option?
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About 41% of young single adults include marriage as a significant life goal. Pew Research released a study on young adults' views on cohabitation and marriage in 2019.16% say it’s acceptable to live together before marriage, 69% say it’s acceptable to live together even if you don’t get married, and 14% say it’s completely unacceptable. Despite these views of cohabitation, other studies have given statistics regarding the negative side of cohabitation before marriage. In a study done of 1,300 individuals in America, these were the results found. “70 percent of the sample couples lived together before they got married. Cohabitating before marriage in the United States averages around 70 to 75 percent, which the study reflects. About 40 percent of the sample partners cohabitated with previous partners. Those in this 40 percent who went on to marry subsequent partners who they cohabitated with prior to marriage reported lower levels of marital quality.”
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Oftentimes ,the reasoning behind moving in together stems from situations like finances or just wanting to test the waters. While these things are valid, they often lead to sexual intimacy before marriage. Christianity teaches that God designed physical intimacy to occur exclusively within the sacred commitment of marriage where the powerful bonding effects of sexuality draw a couple closer together. Outside of marriage, however, the bonding nature of sex confuses the relationship by implying a commitment that has not been made. Despite trying to avoid the pain of divorce, a breakup after sexual union creates similar emotional trauma. Trusting God’s design and obeying his call to honor marriage (Hebrews 13:4) and to avoid sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3) not only draws us into closer relationship with Him, but it brings clarity rather than uncertainty with one another.
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Many couples first question the option of living together while exploring Christian faith or local church membership. This church would love to become a resource for clarity and health in your relationship. If you believe that marriage is the direction you would like to go, we would like to be a resource for you. The Bible describes the marital bond as a picture of the love between God and his people (Ephesians 5:31-33). It is much easier to nurture a strong marriage while learning and growing with other believers—especially those who are a little further down the road. Christian counselors and church leaders can also help you determine if you are ready to shift into pre-marital counseling or if you need to re-evaluate a potentially harmful relationship. In either case, we encourage you to seek wise counsel as you pursue a God-honoring marriage and family life.
If you are unsure if marriage is the next step for you, please reach out to our staff and we will offer resources for counseling, next steps, and options.
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